A lot of times, people assume that a single person is lonely, especially if that person is a woman. This is so not true. When I wasn't in a relationship, I wasn't lonely. In fact, I'm not sure I, personally, know how loneliness feels. And, people also assume that if you're in a relationship, you can't be lonely. Again, not true. So let's start out covering "being alone."
When I'm alone, whether I'm single or in a relationship, I enjoy my time to myself. I'm able to enjoy spending time with God and spending time with myself reflecting on my health, goals, day, life...everything. I enjoy long walks in my neighborhood, reading self-help books, studying health and wellness, self-nurturing, and blogging. I've got stuff to do and I'm never bored.
Being comfortable with--even enjoying--being alone indicates a healthy relationship with yourself. It indicates you enjoy your own company. Finding joy in being alone is indicative of healthy self-esteem, higher self-confidence, and a greater sense of independence and self-sufficiency.
When you are alone, you have the opportunity for increasing your self-awareness of your own likes and dislikes, good and bad habits, and dreams, improving self-control, imcreasing self-acceptance, and growing in the realization that you are a whole person all on your own, worthy of love and all things good. And you do all of this with a sense of freedom and privacy, without being concerned with the ever-changing moods or desires of anyone else.
On the other hand, loneliness is quite different. Where being alone can be a state of being, to me, being lonely is a feeling; mental, emotional, and in worst cases, physical. Because I wasn't sure of how loneliness actually felt, I looked it up: Loneliness can feel like emptiness, disconnectedness, despair, desperation, and abandonment. Loneliness can make you feel fatigued, drained, and can even make your body ache.
Where being alone can be positive, loneliness is not and in chronic cases, can be detrimental to your health.
Particularly in those of us who are of a more mature age, loneliness can increase the risks for cognitive decline, including dementia and Alzheimer's, heart disease, high blood pressure, obesity, stroke, heart attack, type 2 diabetes, anxiety, depression, a weakened immune system, premature death, and even suicide.
I'm sure you've heard this before, but get a hobby; find something constructive that you enjoy doing. It could be reading books, completing puzzles, sewing, knitting, crocheting, walking, biking, hiking, window shopping, bird watching, writing stories, weight training, getting a side hustle, cooking, baking, doing makeup and hair, painting, photograpy, watching sports, swimming, sunbathing, etc.
Whether you are lonely or not, and even if you enjoy being alone, I encourage you to improve and strengthen your social networks, especially on a personal level. Join and get involved with a good church, temple, club, or organization. Contact a friend you haven't spoken with in awhile. Spend time with the elderly. Love on your family. Volunteer with a charitable group. Repair a relationship. Host a Sista Slumber Party or a Couples' Gathering. Find a way to give of yourself, then appreciate the connection that you receive. Become instrumental in some way; let God use you and direct you and continue to pray. We were created to be social beings, connected to others. Yes, alone time is wonderful, but connectedness is divine.
Thought for the day: The cure for loneliness is connection. Who can you connect to today? Even if you are not lonely, who do you know that is? Reach out to them today to help ease their loneliness. Spread your love in this way. Spreading your love doesn't cost a thing.
Be blessed. Be well.
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